the updates of life

WOW. it has been forever I feel like! Mostly because I just feel that so much has happened in the last few weeks that I am entirely different person. I have been wanting to blog and keep saying that I am going to, but I seem to never find the time anymore. I had a really big desire to blog tonight for some reason. Maybe because I feel inspired. All I know is that I feel like writing and expressing a tiny glimpse of what has been going on in my life.


Well for those of you who don't already know, Anthony and I were stationed in Wyoming (not any of the vacation destination states featured a few blogs back).  It was very, very difficult to accept this fact of life, but, in time we have both come to terms with why God placed us there for the next 3 years of life and although it is not the new adventure of Hawaii I was hoping for, I am just excited to begin life with my best friend and be so close to family at the same time.  As many of you also know, there is no way we were going to live in Wyoming (sorry for those of you who love the state), but rather we are going to be living in Fort Collins so I can finish school and Anthony will do the 30 minute commute to work. We actually got to visit a few weeks back and let's just say I have never seen so many people riding bikes in my life (not even in California!) and it seems like a place that will be really fun to explore. Plus, I feel blessed to have the opportunity to attend both a private Christian University as well as a state school and I am excited to move up there.


In other news, a few topics that have been forcefully placed on my mind recently that I have been WRESTLING with are the heavy topics of gender, sexuality, and race. I am taking this class that has completely destroyed me from the inside out and as much as I would love to act like I have it all together, I am a wreck internally most of the time. I wish I could blog about all that has been going on, but I really wouldn't even know where to begin. Right now though, I am writing a paper on human sexuality that is consuming my interests. I am actually loving the research and find it fascinating.  I am by no means a supporter of sexual activity before marriage because I still believe it is a holy and sacred gift, but I also have experienced a lot of shame and guilt myself for ever having sexual desires because no one seems to know how to discuss it...

to accompany this you have the whole discussion on placing gender roles on society, racism through ignorance, oppression of homosexuals, etc.

light subjects right? I find it is hard to find anyone to really talk to because we (including myself) are so wrapped up in our political parties and clinging to our one beloved scripture that has usually been taken out of context, that we never really listen to people. Ironic that I used to be the kind of person who did not care what other people had to say unless it agreed with my worldview. I guess God is just teaching me that one way He is revealed the most is through His creation: humanity.  All my life I have hardly cared to understand people, especially if they were different then me. God has really been shutting me up lately and telling me to just listen and care, regardless of if I agree.

At the same time though, I have definitely not embraced a "no care" attitude towards what God means by living Holy. I guess it is just figuring out what that word means in relation to who God is, who people are, and the connection.

As you can see... it has been a tiring semester for my brain. And I by no means believe I am right in anything, I just desire to know the heart of God and how it applies to my life and humanity.

I am excited to continue exploring this paper topic though and actually writing it. It is my last big hurdle before the end of the semester and I am trying to get it done by Sunday so that I have all next week to relax and enjoy APU for the last time. If you want to help please take this survey at:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/X6NKSQD


Finally, I guess I am just getting ready to head home for the summer and prepare for the wedding! I cannot believe it is almost only 2 months away... time flies!

I will try to be blogging more, especially as summer sets in. And keep your eye out for my paper...like I said I am really excited about it because this is a huge burden on my heart that will further be explained in the paper. I will most likely post it to a coming blog. That is all for tonight.