1 Peter 1:14-16
So much has happened in these last few weeks and I have honestly thought about blogging without actually doing it a countless amount of times. Somehow though, weeks have gone by and I finally have found the time to buy myself a Raspberry Mocha (inspired by my mother-in-law to be) and sit myself down to write. Starbucks can be quite inspiring and tonight I feel inspired.
Here is a recap of the most current events in my life:
1. I decided and ordered bridesmaids dresses and finalized a photographer for the wedding
2. I was blessed to receive not one, but two babysitting jobs that pay very well and fit flexibly with my season of rest (for those of you who know how big finances have been a struggle this semester... this is an answer to two months of prayer)
3. I have found a new Friday night home; the Azusa House of Prayer
4. I have accomplished running 4 miles in 24 minutes and I am running my first 5k (as an official event) tomorrow morning
5. Anthony and I are less than one month away from finding out where our new home will be
6. My roommate Susanna and I are going to be leading an all women team to Mexico over spring break to work with a women's shelter
Of course these are only recaps, as I feel overwhelmed at the ways I have been challenged and tried in the last few weeks. I guess I will just start by saying that I am taking this class....
For those of you who go to a Christian University I hope you know what I mean when I say, 'I am taking this class.' It is one of those classes where I no longer plan anything afterward because I don't know where I will be emotionally when I walk out. It is one of those classes where everything I have ever believed is challenged, tested, and judged. It is also one of those classes that is three hours long, involves little discernment and only a small amount of welcoming toward the word of God, and is very opinion based.
I have been STRUGGLING (extra emphasis on the caps) with this class because everything I believe about God, relationships, identity, and who I am seems to not align with those of my classmates or the professor. And this has been hard because I have had to ask myself a lot of hard questions about what I believe and theology. Because if the teachings of the class were to be true, I would not only not know God, but I don't think I would even know myself.
Although scary, I was ready to face this challenge and discover. But what I discovered was what I had known all along, our generation seems to lack a vocabulary containing the words holiness and glory. Every week I go to this class amazed that, even though the teachings have although biased, somewhat valid arguments, they lack scriptural support and are never surrounded with prayer and discernment (at least none inside the classroom). Not once have the words, 'Let's pray that the Lord will provide wisdom in discussing these heavy issues' been offered and we have spent less then five minutes addressing scripture throughout the entire semester.
But even still, I remained uneasy and thoughts of class consumed me everyday even though the class was only for three hours every Thursday evening. Until today.
Today, as I was running and listening to the new, AMAZING New Life Worship song (check it out at http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/great-i-am-single/id421468763), the Lord spoke something so familiar over me and something that has been the core of my heart since being at APU. Sadly, I will say it again, I believe our generation lacks holiness and glory. We are so focused on what will make us comfortable. With issues surrounding dating, media, the way we dress, the things we buy, etc. etc. etc....it seems we are more concerned with ourselves and less concerned with holiness.
What does living holy really mean? What does having the glory of God shine through us truly mean? Who is the Great I Am and why do we feel we have authority to choose how to live out our lives as if holiness is irrelevant?
So often I have heard statements of selfishness, pride, and comfort, but when will we start asking ourselves,
"How holy can I be for the sake of knowing the Lord?"
I recently heard a statement that claimed, "Christianity believes Jesus was sent to die on the cross to save us from the wrath of God. But who is this God that we need to be saved from and is that really the type of God I want to worship?" This really surprised me because I feel it is obvious that if we would open our eyes to how holy God is, we would understand that it was our fault for separating ourselves from Him and even then He was loving enough to send His son to bridge the gap. It is not that we need to be saved from His wrath, it is that we chose to be unholy and therefore cannot be one with a holy, glorious God. That is why we need saving and purification.
This is a glimpse at what has been on my heart. I feel after much confusion and struggle in my spirit, I was reminded tonight that regardless of what I am being taught, that I must test it. And sometimes, rebuke it. I feel blessed to be granted the opportunity to go through a class that affirms why I so strongly believe what I believe. But I also feel burdened that we have shaped God into something He is obviously not. I feel hurt that we have twisted scriptures in order to satisfy our own desires when scripture makes it clear that when we choose Christ we choose the cross.
Yet in all of this, I feel blessed to have been led to the AZHOP to be united with other believers who also desire holiness and glory to consume their lives. And as my time closes at APU in less than two months, I feel so grateful to be brought to this place. I have learned so much and desire to continue having the tough conversations. I just pray that we can remember...
holiness will always overrule comfort.
No comments:
Post a Comment