Deadly Arrows and Aggressive Mules

Today has been a rough day.  It is one of those days where you understand the concept of a life beginning and a life ending.  Anthony and I are celebrating 16 months of being together and our soon to be marriage, where as a family member of mine took his last breath this morning.  This has placed me in a contemplative, emotional state.  This afternoon I was supposed to be spending my time reading my Intercultural Communications books, but instead found myself reading my new pleasure book.  It is entitled, Bruchko, and it has more culture than my required reading anyways.  Here is how it is impacting me and some of my thoughts today.

As I sat in the glorious sunshine feeling vulnerable, ignorant, and confused about life's biggest questions, I read a book that not only challenged my questions, but challenged my soul.

My question?

What does being a Christian really mean?

Obviously this question sprung this morning as thoughts of death, heaven, God, and a dear family member's eternal life swarmed in my head.  And as I read this book, I felt more convicted than I have ever felt.  Bruchko is the story of a man of my age who, against all advice, buys a one way ticket to Venezuela in obedience to God's call of ministering to untouched Indian tribes.  The story has it's obvious adventure and excitement, but something new has captured me in this book that not many others have.  Read this passage and I think you will get a feel for what I mean:

"I looked down at my thigh.  A long shaft was sticking out of it, with a neat little punch-hole where the arrow had gone in.  The hole was bright red from the blood, my blood, oozing out and down my leg.  I couldn't take my eyes off the arrow.  It seemed unreal It had to be sticking out from someone else's leg.  But it wasn't...I think I awoke the next day.  There was no way of knowing how long I had been unconscious...I felt hot and feverish.  My thigh was swollen, and ugly yellow pus surrounded the place where the arrow had gone in...For four days I walked without food...Fever burned in me.  I felt alternately hot and cold.  It was a terrific effort just to lift my feet" (Olson 70-75).

This is just ONE story from his travels about the suffering he experienced.  What you don't read in this passage is that after being shot with an arrow and before making his four day escape through the jungle, he laid on a mat in the hut of the deadliest tribe in Venezuela.  Not only did he go for over a month and a half without food, but he laid there as his leg received no medical attention and became infected.  He suffered from multiple jungle diseases and still somehow he was able to stand up and escape.  Let alone the fact that he purposely returns to the same Indian tribe later on in the story.

All I could think of when reading these pages today was, "Oh God."  Not because on the surface I was cringing at the thought of being shot with arrows or kicked multiple times in the face by mules (another story of his), but because deep down in my soul I was terrified at the fact that, here it is,

This is what being a Christ follower means.

"Oh God" is right.  As I sit in the comfort of my 35 grand university campus and soak up the California rays, I know that I am called to give up everything.  Now I don't mean that it is a sin to be here at school, or even that it is not what God wants, because God wants me at APU and calls us to live ordinary lives.  But he also calls us to give up everything when the time comes.  And that scares me.  It scares me to think of myself lying in the dark jungle with my body wounded beyond repair.  It scares me to think of myself in situations where I could get shot for my faith.  But, today I realized that it scares me more to not obey God.

What does being a Christian really mean?  It could mean being a professor at APU.  It could mean riding motorcycles through the African deserts (The Only Road North).  It could mean learning the dialect of an untouched Indian tribe (Bruchko).  It could mean being a Godly mother.  But most of all, it just means obeying God in WHATEVER and WHEREVER He calls you to.  I would be lying if I said that doesn't scare me.  But I would be lying if I said being a passive Christian doesn't scare me more.

The Bride Collector: A Book Review

APU students: You can borrow the book
from Links PLus if you are interested in reading it!

I believe book reviews are helpful and fun and therefore have decided to write my own :)  I was encouraged that a book I recommended to one of my roommates became one of her favorites, so maybe this review can be of some help to someone.

So as my previous blog stated, one of my goals for 2011 is to create a book list and read all of the books on there.  I currently only have 6 books on the list, but I have already read 2 and hope to be adding a lot more. Today, it is 81 degrees outside and was the perfect day to grab a naked juice popsicle (APU students... you have to try them!) and finish the last 100 pages of my most current Ted Dekker novel.

Ted Dekker is not a new name to me as I became addicted to his work after a good friend recommended Thr3e to me.  It has been a few years since and I have now read over 5 of his novels.  The one that I happened to finish today is entitled The Bride Collector.

The reason I love his novels is because they are very much like CSI episodes.  I love the whole crime scene aspect each novel brings and they always keep me in an investigator mindset of trying to find out the ending.  Each novel also always has a "no way!" factor.  This is the part of the book where you set it down and are in awe because you did not see whatever just happened coming.  I love that!  But, besides all of the really good writing aspects, I love how he relates everything to the battle of God and satan.  Every book is about facing our sin and demons.  You grow attached to one character and follow them on their journey as they come to realizations about the dark spots in their hearts and finally surrender them to God.  Dekker just happens to be able to weave this battle into amazing stories.

To be more specific about The Bride Collector, the story is about a psychotic man who believes he was sent by God to bring Him His "favorites."  He does this by taking a woman, sedating her, perfecting her appearance, and then glueing her to a wall while blood drains from drill holes in her heels.  He then leaves her with a veil over her face.  Sounds "wonderful" right? I promise it gets better. The story is all about the chase to find this killer and understanding the spiritual connections in the phrase, "God's favorites."  Without giving away too much of the story, I found myself pondering how I really believe God views me and who I am as a woman of Christ.

My favorite part of the novel is always the ending.  Dekker always ends his novel with a passage of scripture that encompasses his story.  This book ends with a passage out of Song of Songs.  I felt it was perfect and applicable for my life because I just finished listening to a podcast on the book of Song of Songs.  It is always fun to see how God will use multiple tools to tie lessons together in your life.  Hopefully someone will be encouraged to read this book.  It is excellent, challenging, and a great leisure read.  It is fiction and it allows us students to remember what it is like to enjoy reading :)  I hope you get the chance to enjoy it and maybe discover Dekker has a lot to pour into your life as well.

He quiets me with His love.

This week I achieved something that I did not even gain over Christmas break, soulful rest.  It was this amazing feel of not being stressed out in any sense of the word and actually having a relaxed spirit.  I could feel it as I poured my morning coffee, or when I was sitting in class, or when I decided to take a nap just because I could.  I never thought I would be the person to say that people with no plans are better off.  I never thought I would find myself living in complete peace without a schedule.  It is amazing and I cannot believe how much the Lord is doing in me in so little time.


So, just for the sake of example and because it brings me joy to remember this past week, here is how it was laid out.


Monday - I woke up at 845 in time to pour a cup of to go coffee and grab a seat in morning chapel.  We had some incredible worship and played some of my favorite songs.  The message was also great.  After chapel, I came back to my apartment and spent the morning lazily finishing A.W. Tozer's The Root of Righteousness and getting ready for my first class at 1.  I had enough time to grab a sub sandwich before class and then enjoyed learning about Hebrew Poetics. At 2:45, I entered my second Bible class, Church History Since the Reformation and also enjoyed the lecture.  At 4, I tested out another Bible class, 1 and 2 Samuel, but decided that I would take Kickboxing instead since I had already sat through 3 hours of lectures.  I finished my night by relaxing and playing board games with my roommates.


Tuesday- I slept in :) I then had another morning of lazy reading and coffee until my 1 pm Astronomy lecture which was quite interesting and intriguing.  The lecture lasted for 3 hours, until 4.  I spent the rest of the evening at home with my roommates watching a movie and reading.


Wednesday- This was my busy day.  I spent 9-12 playing with a 2 year old at my new job.  We played outside, played with play dough, had snacks, etc.  I then had my Hebrew Poetics class at 1, Church History at 245, and an AWESOME workout in my kickboxing class at 545.  I then had to shower, eat dinner ( I experimented and made my first tuna melt!), and make it to my 730 Astronomy Lab.  We were able to look at the moon and learn about the phases of Venus.


Thursday- I slept in again :) I then decided to grab some lunch and head to the grocery store to stock my fridge. Afterward, I grabbed a Clif Bar and an iced coffee and headed to my 420 Intercultural Communication class.  This class was and is incredible.  We will be learning more about cultures and the way we communicate based on our class, ethnicity, etc.  It is really interesting.  The class lasted for 3 hours.  I then came home, made some healthy style nachos, and played board games with my roommates.  We later joined the rest of our court for desserts at our RA's house.


Friday-  This morning I had chapel and then began training for my 10k this summer.  The weather was a beautiful 85 degrees, so I decided to go for a swim and take a nap afterward.  I then borrowed a bike from a friend and rode to the coffee shop to grab a boba smoothie and read for a while.  Back home, I took another nap and then made dinner and decorated my empty desk wall.  I decided to make a book list, goals list, and a prayer board.  Now, I am about to grab some iced coffee, chocolate, and read before bed.




I am writing all of this out because this has been the best week for college for me thus far and I have learned more about God and myself this week than any other.  The stresses of money and a job are slowly fading as I am realizing God has called me to something of Him; rest.  No, not being lazy all the time (I really needed this week, but obviously it is not always going to be bike rides, naps, and pool time), but being relaxed and restful in my spirit.  So many weeks of college I have felt anxiety ALL THE TIME.  I don't even sleep well because of all that I have on my plate.  And the worst part was, I would map my days out by the hour as if that was fun.  There was no room for a spontaneous run, or a good talk with a friend; I always had somewhere I had to be or something I needed to be doing.

I added some pictures to show the little organizing I have done this year.  I thought a prayer board would be a good reminder of who or what I need to be praying for.  I also framed my goals because that way they don't get lost and I can remember them. ( I stole the idea from another blog site)  Usually, my goal list would be at least 20 long, but I feel this year it is important to be realistic and also intentional.  What and who does God really want me to do and be and how do my goals match those?  My goals are these 5:


1. Run a 10k - It's hard for me to run and it pushes me to constantly be uncomfortable and do something I may not want to do


2. Obtain all A's. - I am only taking 14 units and I want to POUR myself out into my classes.  I want to gain everything I can from them and really do my best.  Last semester I slacked, so I just make sure to sit up front in every class this semester.


3. Read all the book list books - I also hung a book list to keep track of what I want to read and what I have read.  Leaders are readers....


4. Trust God more frequently and intentionally - This is hard because it means putting myself in circumstances where I have to need Him.  I am trying to learn how to really trust God in a culture where we are self sufficient


5. Love people - Intentionally, realistically, and passionately like Christ.

I know this is going to be a great year.  I am getting married, moving, and who knows what else! I am excited to be a more spontaneous person and RELAX. Seriously, people don't know what they are missing when they choose to live in anxiety.

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.                       

Zephaniah 3:17

Underloading My Schedule

A new year for me typically means lists, cleaning, and setting out to accomplish the dreams I have yet to reach, but somehow I find a mess on my floor and an empty planner.

I never would have guessed in a million years that I would in fact not be studying abroad in my college career and that I would instead complete a full two years at Azusa Pacific University.  I would also never have guessed that I would be getting married within the next six months.  Let's just say God has really thrown me some whirlwinds this last year.

So here I am back at APU.  Although I am not the type to change plans last minute, it seems to have become my new trademark this last year.  First, I was going to Costa Rica.  Then, I was moving back to Colorado to work and live with friends.  But finally, I find myself back in California and registered for classes.

To say that I am not excited about being here would be a lie.  God has made it very clear to me that this is where I am supposed to be right now, I just find myself struggling to understand and live in His will.  My motives for returning to Colorado were to pay off some debt I had acquired before getting married and to spend a semester in rest.  This meant I was going to spend my days reading, journaling, having great girl time, and working on the side.  When He made it clear that I was not supposed to leave California, I immediately began doing what I do best, planning.  I mapped out all the classes I would take, where I would work, etc., but seemed to forget about spending a season is rest.

Once I returned to California, the job search began.  Thankfully, I had my beautiful sister to accompany me on the road trip out here and was able to spend a lot of much needed time with her, but we had secluded the first day back for job hunting.  Discouraged and upset though, I returned home from the first day with nothing to show for.  Even with all the encouragement being thrown my way of, "It was only the first day" or "Don't worry they will call you," I knew deep down that there was something else wrong.  Even as I continued to search, with each "no" I became more frustrated and less trusting of my Father who I claimed to believe would provide.

Classes began yesterday and the fear of possible unemployment this semester is starting to hit.  This morning I felt God was trying to teach me something though.  Regardless of if I find a job or not, I need to hold true to what God commanded me.  He made it very clear that I was not supposed to overload myself this semester, but underload myself so that I may have many moments where I am free to do whatever I want.


To some this may sound ridiculous and almost selfish, but I know that God truly has some great friendships and learning experiences waiting for me if I can just trust Him with my time.  I am not the type of person that thrives on this idea either.  I love busyness, schedule, and having barely any free time,  but I have found that I sink into a routine of self centeredness and non availability to be used by God in these seasons.  All that I wish is that I could spend a season growing and resting in God's presence.

So, I do not know if God has a job waiting for me, but I really feel that if I do find one, I will only be working 1 or 2 days out of the week.  He has already blessed me with a very small, but prayer answering opportunity to teach pre schoolers for three hours a week.  The pay is small, but I trust God will provide. In fact, I have to learn how to do this.  My faith has been tested so much over these last few days and I have found the results disappointing.  I know God is doing miracles and providing all around me, but I also know that I hardly allow my eyes to open enough to see them.  God will provide and is a provider.  I want to learn that from experience over these next few months.

Besides the time of rest and reading, I will be taking 12 units that I have prayerfully considered and am ecstatic about.  My classes include: Hebrew Poetical and Wisdom Literature (i.e. the books of Job-Proverbs), Church History Since the Reformation, Astronomy, Kickboxing, and Intercultural Communication.  These classes should keep me preoccupied and I am excited to be able to really pour into them since I will have more time to do so.

I also want to start blogging a lot this semester.  I want to do it because I hope that I can encourage people or grow from it myself.  I will be reading a lot of good books and would love to share passages and teachings that God wishes for His people to know.  I hope that I can be of some inspiration to someone or be used in some way.  I am finding that I love to write even more than I thought and it brings me great pleasure to write blogs.

With all of that being said, I know that God is going to do amazing things this semester and I want to be a part of them.  I want to have time to be a part of them.  I want to trust Him with my financial situation and bring all that I am into His presence.  He is too good for me to not do so.

I encourage you to underload your plates and embrace the silence.