i don't want a sugarcoated God.

For some reason I always get inspired to write when I am studying. For instance, its the night before Thanksgiving Break and the only thing standing between me and my future hubs, a cup of coffee, and my head on his shoulder while we watch the Tday parade is a 10 page paper that is taking me many hours that I did not expect.

So that leads me to this post.

I find this song by Tenth Avenue North inspiring, tear jerking, spine chilling, and heart wrenching because it is so BEAUTIFUL.

I think sometimes people get so sick of seeing facebook status' and blogs about God.

But the reality is, this song tells it all without the sugar coating.

Those blogs and facebook posts aren't meant to say 'I am better than you and I love God so much more than you,' but they are meant to say

WOW

I am such a screw up.

Literally, I am such a wreck inside and out

and no matter how much I pretend and try to piece my life together

at the end of the day it is

meaningless, meaningless, meaningless

I can never get it right

I can't even count how many times I have turned in shame

and how many times I have chosen sleep over God

chosen a movie over God

chosen nothing over just spending time with God

but WOW

He wants me

He loves me

He needs me

wait stop.

stop and think about what those words mean... to WANT. to LOVE. to NEED. let them sink in.

God is not a sugar coated, white man who is contained in our political, religious, or contemplative conversations, but He is God.

And He wraps His arms around me because no one else will and no one else can and NO ONE else will EVER satisfy. No matter what. We were made to be with Him. I don't have to search anymore. Chaos can become calm. And I don't ever need to feel helpless again.

Check out this song that I love