so long sunshine; hello snow.

After writing a lengthy blog and than it being deleted, I only feel like writing a few sentences.

Life update:

I will no longer being going to Costa Rica, but rather moving home to Colorado Springs for a semester of rest and relationships.  I will be spending time with my family and friends as I prepare for marriage and really feel this is something that God has called me to do.  I am excited and completely at peace about this decision for many reasons, but mainly because I was never going to Costa Rica for the study abroad, only for the sake of Costa Rica.  The country will always be there, but living with my best friends for a semester will not.  I hope to be living downtown with two of the most wonderful girls, Michaela and Caitlin, and be working at a coffee shop or bookstore.  I know this is something God is asking me to do and I ask for your prayers in this season of relaxation and rejuvenation.  If you are curious to know more about my decision, feel free to ask :)  I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season and wish everyone well during finals, traveling, and ask that we all take time to remember what this season is all about.

              

i don't want a sugarcoated God.

For some reason I always get inspired to write when I am studying. For instance, its the night before Thanksgiving Break and the only thing standing between me and my future hubs, a cup of coffee, and my head on his shoulder while we watch the Tday parade is a 10 page paper that is taking me many hours that I did not expect.

So that leads me to this post.

I find this song by Tenth Avenue North inspiring, tear jerking, spine chilling, and heart wrenching because it is so BEAUTIFUL.

I think sometimes people get so sick of seeing facebook status' and blogs about God.

But the reality is, this song tells it all without the sugar coating.

Those blogs and facebook posts aren't meant to say 'I am better than you and I love God so much more than you,' but they are meant to say

WOW

I am such a screw up.

Literally, I am such a wreck inside and out

and no matter how much I pretend and try to piece my life together

at the end of the day it is

meaningless, meaningless, meaningless

I can never get it right

I can't even count how many times I have turned in shame

and how many times I have chosen sleep over God

chosen a movie over God

chosen nothing over just spending time with God

but WOW

He wants me

He loves me

He needs me

wait stop.

stop and think about what those words mean... to WANT. to LOVE. to NEED. let them sink in.

God is not a sugar coated, white man who is contained in our political, religious, or contemplative conversations, but He is God.

And He wraps His arms around me because no one else will and no one else can and NO ONE else will EVER satisfy. No matter what. We were made to be with Him. I don't have to search anymore. Chaos can become calm. And I don't ever need to feel helpless again.

Check out this song that I love

simplicity.

an upcoming chapter of life. a call to silence and surrender.

battle.

I just had to share this picture.

Christians in the Military.

I have been wrestling with an issue.
I have been wrestling with a tough issue.
I have been wrestling with a tough issue that I have not found an answer to,
and that scares me.


I have been wrestling with the issue of Christians in the military.
Is Jesus a pacifist?
Is fighting in war considered murder?
What was the exception with war in the Old Testament versus war in the New Testament?


I have been wrestling with this issue and it has been rough because I feel the culture surrounding me loves to take the liberal, go-green, peace for all, no shoes stance.  And that is not negative, it is just different from how I was raised.  Am I wrong?


I want peace. I want hungry children to be fed. I want to clothe my neighbor and feed my enemy. I want to put down the sword and pick up a conversation. I want to clean our environment. I want to bring my grocery bag rather than use plastic. I want to fast shoes for Africa.


But I am also marrying a man who is the United States Air Force. How do these two lifestyles mix?


After a class discussion on military yesterday, I called Anthony after class. I asked him, "Can you tell me that you believe with your entire heart and soul that God's will is for you to be in the military?"
His response was, "Absolutely. I would not be here if it wasn't because He asked me to be."


If any of you know my fiance, he is a surf bum who hates having to keep is hair short and would rather be cruising shirtless in his jeep than taking orders. He only wears his uniform when required and eyebrows raise when people find out he is in the military. "You are really laid back..." they say.  His school of choice was USC and his desired profession is marine biology, but somehow he is in Mississippi learning about cyber warfare...


So now I have two issues. How does God view Christians in the military and Why, if it is against His will, did He ask my fiance, whom if you know him you know he loves and pursues God harder than most, to join the Air Force?

I don't have an answer. This is not a persuasive essay.


All I know is that God has called me to support my (future) husband and trust Him. God knew I would marry Anthony and He knew Anthony would be in the Air Force.  He also knew that I would be raised in a family full of veterans and patriotic people.


I also know that this confusion is not a matter of my salvation and I find peace in that. I only wish to cling closer to God in my confusion rather than turn from Him.


In this I find myself asking a new question.

Military and government will always be flawed, but would I rather have a man who loves the Lord leading troops onto a battlefield or just leave it to the world?

california: we are NOT too far gone.

Today in my city the Student Call is being held.  I am blessed to be able to be apart of it by watching live video during my study breaks, but I still wish I could be there.  It is truly incredible to see so many kids coming out of their universities and really seek God with their whole hearts.  


Leading up the call was a Daniel fast and I proudly witnessed some of the students I lead in my Alpha group participate.  It was so encouraging and great to watch them pursue after the denial of comfort and seek after the comfort of God.


During one of my study breaks, I heard this verse being proclaimed by Lou Engle and it reads,

"From the west, men will fear the name of the LORD, and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory. For he will come like a pent-up flood that the breath of the LORD drives along." 

Isaiah 59:19

"From the west," meaning California, WILL fear the name of the Lord, was what he proclaimed and it was so encouraging, because, I believe so many people have given up hope on this state. I myself have believed this state was too far gone to be redeemed, but today I was encouraged and reminded of the power of God.  California, as well as the rest of the world, is so consumed with money, media, sex, new age thinking, etc. but I believe we have a God that LOVES this state and YEARNS to see it turn to Him.  What a refreshing message!

If you get a chance today, check it out live online.

http://www.god.tv/liveevents

[eight] things that are currently making me happy. (inspired by cupcakes and cashmere)

(in no particular order)

Peanut Butter and Apples... Healthy and yummy!

Learning how to make coffee and loving my job

My current show addictions: Grey's and Survivor. I am rooting for Fabio :)

Dreaming about my future home and all of the sun dresses I get to wear in Costa Rica!

Scrap booking on the weekends.

Morning yoga.

Reading a book by one of my favorite authors and, as always, I can hardly put it down.

The countdown to seeing my studly fiance, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, and feasting on the year's most delicious meal!

different forms of worship.

Anthony has recently gotten me hooked on Christian rap. It makes me sad that many people avoid it because 'it's cheesy.' The lyrics are so powerful and as I listened to this song today, I felt really encouraged.

Souled Out

by Lecrae

Man I consider my life nuthin'
If I could just finish the race
And complete the job the
Lord Jesus gave me
I live to tell the world his message
Romans 1:16 "I'm not Ashamed"
I Ain't Ashamed

We Souled Out
Seeking God's face till we fold out
You want it, we got it
We ain't tryin' to hold out
Break me, shake me, mold me
I rather die like Christ than live unholy.

1 - 1 - 6 a band of misfits
Who get sick at the
State of the world
So we hit strips and spit
Christ Jesus, who scooped us out of the
Dirt
And cleaned us
We were slave to sinful ways but Christ
Freed us
Believe us
Because of the bible that supercedes us
Not to the intellectual thesis
They say we believe in a fools faith
Cause kids can grasp it
And salvation is granted, to those who
Ask it
But even if you don't know systematic
Theology
Or eschatology
You know Jesus is who you wanna to seek
We ought to be
Sowing seeds and teaching* truth
Diciplin' groups of young soldiers
And reeping fruit
Aww yeah
This a part of our lifestyle
Might sound good on wax
But we livin' it right now
I wish you would catch me on tapes and
CD's
But never see me in the streets in 3-D
B, Please
We ain't come here to appease
We came to spit these spiritual
Soliloquies
Why killers squese triggers
And hammers clap
I'm a shove on my bullet truth vest
And hammer back like that

Man I do this for the, Way, the truth
The life, Jesus Christ
Until my soul take flight
The worlds the same
Everyone want to cop a chain, cop a
Dame, cop 22's on the range
Want to cop big fortune and fame
And claiming that they the reason that
The cops get trained
Stop the game
I came here to drop a name
Jesus
The same one that blocked the pain
How many thugs you know hard enough to
Stop the flames
It's like
Standing on the tracks tyrin to
Block a train
You got the game
Messed up
Stop and change
Mind trapped all wrapped up in locks a
Chains
The same God you pray to before you
Sleep at night
The same God you direspect when you
Creep at night
Seek the light
Ain't no trin' to plead for life
Talkin' bout' I sorry God
He like
Leave my sight
The key to life
Is none other than Jesus Christ
If you a slave to your ways
Be free tonight


I spit these bars
Not to get no chicks in cars
Not for spinners on the wheels of
Expensive cars
Man I do this for the folk who like to
Lift their arms
Pray to god who gave us life
So he can give us all
Man I do this for the blocks in tha
Hood
The rocks in tha hood
Jesus Chist, Cornestone
Gettin' props in tha hood
Folks think we crazed and delerious
Cilqued up 40 deep
All saved, all serious Yeah
And if you curious
We got some proof man
We got some answers
We got some truth man
Tellin' folks you know that God is
Wathchin' you man
Romans 10:9 is all you got to do man

One of my favorite songs of all time; the lyrics seemed to touch me in a new way today and motivated me to run my mile at 8 mph! (I am not a runner and I usually run at 6) I hope the lyrics can encourage you.

With Everything

by Hillsong

Open our eyes
To see the things that make Your heart cry
To be the church that You would desire
Your light to be seen

Break down our pride
And all the walls we've built up inside
Our earthly crowns and all our desires
We lay at Your feet

Let hope rise And darkness tremble
In Your holy light That every eye will see
Jesus our God Great and mighty to be praised

God of all days
Glorious in all of Your ways
Oh the majesty the wonder and grace
In the light of Your Name

With everything With everything
We will shout for Your glory
With everything With everything
We will shout forth Your praise

Our hearts they cry
Be glorified
Be lifted high above all names
For You our King
With everything
We will shout forth Your praise

This video was shared with me by a friend a few years back and I had the privilege of hearing her poetry live last year. This last week I heard a student give spoken word and I find I am falling in love with this style of worship! I think it is so beautiful and inspiration and challenging. Check this out.

The Root of Righteousness

"Contentment with earthly goods is the mark of a saint; contentment with our spiritual state is a mark of inward blindness."

I have recently been diving into one of A. W. Tozer's many books, The Root of Righteousness.  This book is the perfect read for college students because it is a compilation of short essays by Tozer that are no longer than 3 pages a chapter.  Whether I have a large chunk of time in the morning or just five minutes, it allows me to get my mind focused on God through a challenging message.  If you have ever read Tozer, you know that is just what his books are, challenging.  His writing is far from comforting or encouraging to anyone who is not truly pursing God and for the ones that are, it is still a kick in the butt.  All this to say, I have been wrecked and destroyed through this book as it has challenged me to the core and helped me acknowledge some of the dirt in me that I really don't like.

In recent chapters he has talked about something that I find interesting and far from my reach; the terror of the Lord.  At first glance, I always thought this referred to being scared of God or something surface level.  It is now that I have learned the terror of the Lord is only Holy Spirit induced and is what the people of Israel experienced when the saw the glow on Moses' face.  They were terrified because God is so Holy, where as they were mere humans.  I don't think I have ever experienced this.  I have never fallen on my face because I was in utter trembling of how Holy God is and how small I am compared to His vastness.  This is something I earnestly seek now as I believe it is an important part to truly understanding God.

Today I read about something that burdened my soul and that is the enormous amount of 'Christians' who talk the talk, but do not live their lives for Christ.  This was not talking about the kids who go to Christian school, but get drunk on the weekends, rather it was talking about those of us whom are serving, worshiping, and looking as if we love the Lord, but in the secret of our homes choosing the satisfactions of this earth over God's love.  This has been quite convicting to me as I ask myself things such as, "How much TV is too much?" or "If I really loved the Lord, would I find joy in this kind of music?" A fine line must be drawn here as to declare that this is not a legalistic lifestyle even though it may seem, but, rather a lifestyle that revolves around the pursuit of holiness.  I go to school on a large Christian campus located in Southern California and I would love to say I always choose the glory of God over the secularism that consumes California, but it breaks my heart to see us choosing immodest clothing over purity because it's what is fashionable, or music about one night stands over music that is glorifying to God.  I praise God for the hearts I have encountered who are choosing the narrow path and that encourage me to do the same, but Tozer has really challenged me to not only continuously examine my own heart, but to fervently pray for those who truly believe they are living for God when they are clearly not.  And the saddest part is that most people are blinded and only seeking comfort and affirmation in the message of Christ when there is so much more.

I highly recommend this book.

give them a dress they WANT to wear.

As the day grows closer, 240 to be exact, I have yet to do much planning besides the MAJOR things such as venue, engagement pictures, etc. Although 240 days is still far off, this is not like me to put off details being as in love with decorating and style as I am. When I do seem to find time to visit wedding blogs and obsess over details, I become more and more excited to make this day our own. I feel I am getting married in such a great era and LOVE the home-made items and signs people are having at their ceremonies. I have definitely found some ideas I am going to steal :), but also am excited to include my own, unique tastes. Tonight I had the joy and time to look at bridesmaid dresses and feel I am coming closer to narrowing it down. I feel it important to allow my bridesmaids to feel they look beautiful too and have a say in the dress they wear, even if it is my wedding. Besides, who wouldn't want to be forced to wear a dress they actually like? All three of these dresses are from lulu's (a fantastic and surprisingly cheap site) recommended by one of my very stylish bridesmaids, Charisa :)! The colors I have chosen are peach and grey to give a beachy, soft, yet somewhat elegant feel and I find these dresses simple, yet unique in their own way.

New Site, New Season.

I decided to switch over from wordpress to blogspot for many different reasons, but mainly because I'm craving something new and I figured since my trip to Costa Rica is around the corner, why not switch things up? This will be my new home so please only check for new posts here! Love you all!



My move from California is just around the corner.  The closer I come to leaving, the more I fall in love with this place.