so long sunshine; hello snow.

After writing a lengthy blog and than it being deleted, I only feel like writing a few sentences.

Life update:

I will no longer being going to Costa Rica, but rather moving home to Colorado Springs for a semester of rest and relationships.  I will be spending time with my family and friends as I prepare for marriage and really feel this is something that God has called me to do.  I am excited and completely at peace about this decision for many reasons, but mainly because I was never going to Costa Rica for the study abroad, only for the sake of Costa Rica.  The country will always be there, but living with my best friends for a semester will not.  I hope to be living downtown with two of the most wonderful girls, Michaela and Caitlin, and be working at a coffee shop or bookstore.  I know this is something God is asking me to do and I ask for your prayers in this season of relaxation and rejuvenation.  If you are curious to know more about my decision, feel free to ask :)  I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season and wish everyone well during finals, traveling, and ask that we all take time to remember what this season is all about.

              

i don't want a sugarcoated God.

For some reason I always get inspired to write when I am studying. For instance, its the night before Thanksgiving Break and the only thing standing between me and my future hubs, a cup of coffee, and my head on his shoulder while we watch the Tday parade is a 10 page paper that is taking me many hours that I did not expect.

So that leads me to this post.

I find this song by Tenth Avenue North inspiring, tear jerking, spine chilling, and heart wrenching because it is so BEAUTIFUL.

I think sometimes people get so sick of seeing facebook status' and blogs about God.

But the reality is, this song tells it all without the sugar coating.

Those blogs and facebook posts aren't meant to say 'I am better than you and I love God so much more than you,' but they are meant to say

WOW

I am such a screw up.

Literally, I am such a wreck inside and out

and no matter how much I pretend and try to piece my life together

at the end of the day it is

meaningless, meaningless, meaningless

I can never get it right

I can't even count how many times I have turned in shame

and how many times I have chosen sleep over God

chosen a movie over God

chosen nothing over just spending time with God

but WOW

He wants me

He loves me

He needs me

wait stop.

stop and think about what those words mean... to WANT. to LOVE. to NEED. let them sink in.

God is not a sugar coated, white man who is contained in our political, religious, or contemplative conversations, but He is God.

And He wraps His arms around me because no one else will and no one else can and NO ONE else will EVER satisfy. No matter what. We were made to be with Him. I don't have to search anymore. Chaos can become calm. And I don't ever need to feel helpless again.

Check out this song that I love

simplicity.

an upcoming chapter of life. a call to silence and surrender.

battle.

I just had to share this picture.

Christians in the Military.

I have been wrestling with an issue.
I have been wrestling with a tough issue.
I have been wrestling with a tough issue that I have not found an answer to,
and that scares me.


I have been wrestling with the issue of Christians in the military.
Is Jesus a pacifist?
Is fighting in war considered murder?
What was the exception with war in the Old Testament versus war in the New Testament?


I have been wrestling with this issue and it has been rough because I feel the culture surrounding me loves to take the liberal, go-green, peace for all, no shoes stance.  And that is not negative, it is just different from how I was raised.  Am I wrong?


I want peace. I want hungry children to be fed. I want to clothe my neighbor and feed my enemy. I want to put down the sword and pick up a conversation. I want to clean our environment. I want to bring my grocery bag rather than use plastic. I want to fast shoes for Africa.


But I am also marrying a man who is the United States Air Force. How do these two lifestyles mix?


After a class discussion on military yesterday, I called Anthony after class. I asked him, "Can you tell me that you believe with your entire heart and soul that God's will is for you to be in the military?"
His response was, "Absolutely. I would not be here if it wasn't because He asked me to be."


If any of you know my fiance, he is a surf bum who hates having to keep is hair short and would rather be cruising shirtless in his jeep than taking orders. He only wears his uniform when required and eyebrows raise when people find out he is in the military. "You are really laid back..." they say.  His school of choice was USC and his desired profession is marine biology, but somehow he is in Mississippi learning about cyber warfare...


So now I have two issues. How does God view Christians in the military and Why, if it is against His will, did He ask my fiance, whom if you know him you know he loves and pursues God harder than most, to join the Air Force?

I don't have an answer. This is not a persuasive essay.


All I know is that God has called me to support my (future) husband and trust Him. God knew I would marry Anthony and He knew Anthony would be in the Air Force.  He also knew that I would be raised in a family full of veterans and patriotic people.


I also know that this confusion is not a matter of my salvation and I find peace in that. I only wish to cling closer to God in my confusion rather than turn from Him.


In this I find myself asking a new question.

Military and government will always be flawed, but would I rather have a man who loves the Lord leading troops onto a battlefield or just leave it to the world?

california: we are NOT too far gone.

Today in my city the Student Call is being held.  I am blessed to be able to be apart of it by watching live video during my study breaks, but I still wish I could be there.  It is truly incredible to see so many kids coming out of their universities and really seek God with their whole hearts.  


Leading up the call was a Daniel fast and I proudly witnessed some of the students I lead in my Alpha group participate.  It was so encouraging and great to watch them pursue after the denial of comfort and seek after the comfort of God.


During one of my study breaks, I heard this verse being proclaimed by Lou Engle and it reads,

"From the west, men will fear the name of the LORD, and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory. For he will come like a pent-up flood that the breath of the LORD drives along." 

Isaiah 59:19

"From the west," meaning California, WILL fear the name of the Lord, was what he proclaimed and it was so encouraging, because, I believe so many people have given up hope on this state. I myself have believed this state was too far gone to be redeemed, but today I was encouraged and reminded of the power of God.  California, as well as the rest of the world, is so consumed with money, media, sex, new age thinking, etc. but I believe we have a God that LOVES this state and YEARNS to see it turn to Him.  What a refreshing message!

If you get a chance today, check it out live online.

http://www.god.tv/liveevents

[eight] things that are currently making me happy. (inspired by cupcakes and cashmere)

(in no particular order)

Peanut Butter and Apples... Healthy and yummy!

Learning how to make coffee and loving my job

My current show addictions: Grey's and Survivor. I am rooting for Fabio :)

Dreaming about my future home and all of the sun dresses I get to wear in Costa Rica!

Scrap booking on the weekends.

Morning yoga.

Reading a book by one of my favorite authors and, as always, I can hardly put it down.

The countdown to seeing my studly fiance, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, and feasting on the year's most delicious meal!